Can't Read My Poker Face

So I was finally able to let out all this emotion that has been building since day 1 of this semester (this is a fancy way of saying I cried today).  Who knew that Zaxby's was so conducive to meaningful, heart-felt conversation?  I had the realization that I don't like several parts of who I've become .  There are things present in my attitude and outlook that I don't feel were there, say, 1 year ago.  My spiritual life is at such a low right now.  I couldn't tell you the last time I opened my Bible, or took more than say 4 minutes to pray.  I'm afraid to talk about spiritual issues with people at school, because I have an arresting fear of becoming "that person."  You know the person I'm talking about,  the one that always tells you God has everything in control and everything is going to be alright, and who then instantly becomes someone you feel (or at least I then feel) has no real grasp of what life is really like.  I do it all of the time, pass judgement on those people who very well may be completely genuine in their faith and words.  I deem them fake and insincere.  It is a dangerous habit, to judge the heart of a person. I am addicted to it. When I sit in Church, and when I go to Chapel,  I see people raise their hands and all I do is judge.  I don't believe they are genuine in what they do.  Where does that come from?  In my heart what I am longing to do is the exact same thing, maybe not in the form of raising my hands, but worship Him freely.  I am searching for a way to counteract my thoughts and lows right now, and have yet to come up with anything, or least a way to begin the process.

Recently played:

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Broken Strings - James Morrison

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